Mr Le
Blanc, according to Gad Elmaleh, is this guy whom the universe conspires to make
his life as smooth as silk. When he eats all the components in his sandwich
enter into a pact and decide to do their best to make it to his mouth without
soiling his nice clean clothes. Eating a sandwich for him is a pleasure, no mayo, no sauce
leaves that sandwich until it reaches the desired destination. At the airport,
his luggage is the first to arrive on the belt, intact and spotless; and the list
of fortunate events in his life is endless. At the other end of the spectrum
there is Mr. Swad essa3d, whom Murphy’s law shapes his life and everything he
does goes awry.
For every
Mr. Le Blanc, there is of course Mrs La Blanche. You spot her at the local
coffee shop drinking a skinny latte, looking like a million dollars. She has
three kids, not one, not two but three! Yet she manages to have a figure of a
single woman in her teens. She has three kids and she manages to have hair
that looks like she has just stepped out of a salon. No dark circles under the
eyes; so her kids must have slept through the night from day zero.
Mrs La
Blanche’s kids sit quietly when she eating out with hubby, playing with their toys; eating all their veggies and any crap that Mrs La Blanche
offers. She of course manages to stay as fresh looking as when she stepped out
of her house. Her kids do not seem to grab her hair or clothes. The kids smile or
laugh all the time, you wonder if they were born in Stepfod town. You look at what
she is having and you want to ask the waiter to get you exactly the same stuffs
maybe some of that luck would rub on you.
She drives
a Range Rover to drop her kids at school or at nursery. She wears a different outfit
everyday, which looks like it has just arrived from the drycleaners. Her kids
put a kiss on her cheek and say bye and run to their classroom looking like
they are going to a playground. At nursery, she leaves her baby who has such a
big smile on his face, you wonder if he on something. Everyday you see Mrs La
Blanche, you hate her more; you try to convince yourself that she has at least
two maids and three nannies for she sets the standards so high you wonder if
she is human.
You, on the
other hand, never sleep through the night, because your baby does not; so
looking fresh is out of the question. Your barely have time to comb your hair
because your baby is screaming for something that is not among the 1000 things
in front of her. You decide to wear hat nice outfit to outdo Mrs La Blanche
just that once but on the way to the car, the baby decides to puke all over you
and you run back to the house and grab that dress that does not need ironing but
which makes look like Jo Brand. You decide to wear it anyway because you are so
late for everything. You run around the house like crazy checking and
rechecking that you have got the million things that you baby does not need at
nursery, but which you decide to pack anyway because you want to make your life
more stressful.
At nursery,
your baby screams and screams when you leave her that you decide to either be
the first or last to arrive at the nursery so that you can make it out quietly and
avoid the accusing eyes of those mums looking at
you like it is your fault that your baby does not want to leave your side. There
is nothing worse than judging eyes of other mums who want to tell you how to
bring up your child.
When you
have had enough and you want to eat out with hubby, you pray and pray that your
baby does not make a scene; she of course does not let you eat and you end up
taking turns with your husband on eating and drinking. She barely eats her food, and ends
up being grumpy as she can see all the people around her eating and she cannot
do the same. Your baby decides all of a sudden that bedtime that night is when
the dessert arrives. You ask the waiter to pack it for you and make your way
back home.
As a mum, you want to
be Mrs La Blanche everyday, you tire yourself like mad to get there; but then you realize
that she is 10 years younger than you, she started having kids when you were
busy climbing the career ladder. She married a loaded Mr. right, and after all
her kids go to school, she can start her career and will become a CEO by the
time she is 45. You give up trying...
